Navigating social anxiety when making friends can be challenging, but it is not impossible. Using the right tools and strategies can help you to feel more comfortable in social situations.
It can also be helpful to have a friend who understands your struggles. Having someone by your side can make social gatherings less daunting.
1. Know Your Limits
A healthy social life requires learning to recognize and set boundaries when interacting with friends, to build meaningful relationships. While it is natural to feel nervous or uncomfortable in some social situations, ignoring those feelings will only hinder your ability to make and maintain friendships.
Avoiding socializing and focusing on negative thoughts, like the thought that everyone will hate you or the fear that you won’t be accepted by others, can actually worsen your anxiety over time. Practicing mindfulness and learning how to relax in stressful situations can help you feel more confident and capable of facing your fears.
Making friends takes time and effort. If you don’t see results immediately, don’t get discouraged. Social anxiety is a complex condition that takes time to overcome. Try to focus on the small successes you achieve and the progress you’re making.
Setting personal and professional boundaries is an important step in preventing yourself from being taken advantage of by others. Boundaries can also help you to prioritize your own needs. For example, if you have a friend who frequently borrows your belongings without asking, it’s possible that this behavior could cause you to feel resentful or stressed. Setting a boundary that requires them to ask for permission before borrowing your possessions can prevent these types of conflicts from happening in the future.
Learning to set boundaries with friends isn’t always easy, and some people might not be open to the idea at first. However, if you’re persistent and able to communicate your boundaries effectively, most people will respect them. It’s also a good idea to discuss your boundaries with someone else, like a trusted mentor or therapist, for advice and support.
2. Practice Talking to Strangers
If you want to make new friends, it’s important to practice talking to strangers. This may feel awkward at first, but it will become easier with time. Whether you’re eating at a restaurant, shopping at a retail store or chatting with a bartender, try to initiate conversation with at least one person. This can be a simple as returning their greeting or asking them a question about their work, hobbies, family, or travels.
You can also find opportunities to talk to strangers by participating in social events or joining clubs that relate to your interests. By stepping outside of your comfort zone, you’ll have more chances to meet people who may become future friends.
Many of the fears that accompany social anxiety stem from thoughts and beliefs that are often irrational or overblown. Practicing cognitive reframing can help you recognize and change these negative patterns. For example, instead of thinking that everyone hates you or that no one will like you, try to think about your previous interactions with strangers and the positive aspects of those experiences.
Remember that it’s okay if the initial connection doesn’t work out, but it’s always better to have tried than to never try at all. Moreover, it’s not a reflection on you if you don’t connect with a stranger; they may just need more time to warm up or be dealing with their own social anxieties too. If the conversation becomes awkward, don’t immediately escape; this may signal that you’re not on the same page or that the topic has run dry. Move on to other potential connections, and continue your conversations with others until you can find the right one to call a friend.
3. Be Mindful of Your Body Language
Whether it’s your hands shaking, the look on your face or the way you move, your body language is a crucial part of how other people perceive you. Being aware of how you present yourself can help you avoid social anxiety triggers. For instance, a closed off stance may lead others to believe that you’re uninterested or irritable. Crossing your arms or keeping a drink at chest level closes you off and conveys that you’re not open to having a conversation. Similarly, when your feet are pointed in one direction and your head is tilted the other, you can appear withdrawn or shy.
Other signals that you’re anxious may include overbreathing, dizziness, a feeling of suffocation, and rapid heart rate. You can learn to identify these signs and use techniques to calm your body so you’re able to make conversations more manageable.
It can be tempting to try to hide or deny your fear of rejection, but this only makes it worse. In fact, avoiding situations that make you feel uncomfortable can lead to social isolation and depression. It’s also important to remember that everyone feels insecure from time to time, and that it’s not just a problem for people with social anxiety.
Focusing on your external environment can reduce anxiety because it gives you a chance to notice other people’s reactions and decide what to do next. In particular, pay attention to how much you speak and how much about yourself you reveal in each interaction. If you find that you’re speaking less than other people or that you don’t say very much about yourself, you can work to change this by exposing yourself to conversations with strangers in short-term social situations such as small talk.
4. Take Breaks When Needed
If you are feeling overwhelmed during social interactions, it’s okay to take a break and return to your comfort zone. This will help you feel calmer and will allow you to continue interacting with others in a way that doesn’t cause anxiety. Taking breaks is also important if you start to experience symptoms of social anxiety, like blushing, sweating, or shaking.
Many people with social anxiety have a hard time seeing themselves in a positive light, which can make them hesitant to connect with other people. When you are having negative thoughts, try to change them using a technique called cognitive reframing. This technique involves identifying thought distortions, readjusting your mindset, and replacing negative assumptions with more realistic ones.
For example, if you are worried that people will think you are stupid or that you will be judged by other for your anxiety, challenge these ideas by thinking about how other people may be feeling and what their reactions might be. Remember that everyone feels nervous in certain social situations, so it is unlikely that other people will notice your anxiety or take it personally.
Ultimately, the most effective way to overcome social anxiety is by facing your fears and slowly building up your confidence over time. If you’re having a hard time getting out of your comfort zone, reach out to a therapist who can provide strategies and treatments for managing your anxieties.
Having friends is an essential part of life, and having solid friendships has been shown to decrease stress levels and contribute to overall well-being. Don’t let your social anxiety keep you from stepping out of your comfort zone and developing fulfilling relationships. By taking small steps, combating negative thinking, and trying to see yourself in a more positive light, you can begin to build meaningful connections.
5. Don’t Focus on Your Fears
For many people with social anxiety, it can be easy to fall into negative imagery. This may include imagining themselves stuttering or recalling a past social experience that caused them embarrassment. These thoughts can then trigger a fear response and increase the likelihood of avoidance or shutdown in future situations. Instead, practice replacing negative imagery with positive self-talk. You can even start small by reciting positive mantras in the mirror or in a private space. It can also help to focus on what is happening around you in a conversation or social situation. Putting your attention on what is going on in front of you can help deflect your nervousness and distract you from the worry that others are judging you.
Lastly, if you’re worried about how you look, try to be more mindful of your body language. Avoid crossing your arms or glancing at your phone, which send out closed-off signals. Try to engage in open body postures like nodding or smiling, and be sure not to lean on a wall or table as this can also communicate you want to be left alone.
Some people with social anxiety talk themselves out of making connections because they believe they don’t actually want new friends. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s part of human nature to seek out like-minded individuals, and it is normal to feel nervous when meeting people for the first time.
Overcoming your fears takes time and effort, but it is possible to make new friends despite your anxiety. Start by taking small steps, such as saying “hello” to acquaintances and talking to strangers one-on-one or in small groups. As you become more comfortable with these situations, your confidence will grow and the idea of opening up to others will not be as terrifying.
